The same thing as taking up roller-skating - coming out to your parents. This 'review' will probably have a lot of gay jokes in it- but I don't think you could really expect anything else, considering the only people who will be interested in this movie are homosexual men and straight women with a lot of homosexual friends and/or glitter fetishists.
Oddly, for a film that is supposed to be all about jazz-hands and theatrics, the beginning of this film is really sudden, so sudden in fact that most of the theatre patrons didn't actually realize the film had actually started. When it does however, abrubtly begin, we meet Ali (Christina Aguilera’s acting debut) in a small town in Iowa. Sick of working as a waitress, she decides she's going to move to LA to become, well, a waitress - but IN LA! The writing in this film is really consistently awful, but by buying your ticket, you're obviously going for the showmanship, Cher's comeback and Aguilera’s vocals.
My problems with this film are simple, and in list form:
1. The horrific laziness of the script - for instance, in order to give Cher a second number, rather than writing a bonding duet between Ali and Tess (Cher), the crafty writers simply put this dialogue in;
Lighting guy: "Hey Tess, you need to rehearse the moody ballad we'll never mention again because you need a second number."
Cher: "UGH. Being a performer sure is a tough life. Let me just perform my spanx off."
2. This is going to be a caps-heavy problem, so I apologize beforehand. Alan Cumming is in this film. You wouldn't actually know it from any of the film's publicity, nor would you know it from watching the film. Alan Cumming is like a beacon of amazing burlesque/cabaret heaven. He gets four lines. FOUR LINES. ALAN CUMMING IS NOT A DOORMAN. While Stanley Tucci makes for a fantastic Sean, Tess' right-hand man, but I honestly cannot believe in a film about burlesque, someone as seductive and talented as Alan Cumming is THE DOORMAN. This did not work for me at all. Also I can't believe that the guy Stanley Tucci played in The Devil Wears Prada moved to a small Burlesque club in LA. TYPECASTING.
3. Christina Aguilera has two emotions, confused and sultry. There was almost a slapstick kind of element to Ali's expression range, walking the streets of LA with her index finger at her pouted lips and a glazed look across her face. Then, instantly she becomes a sex kitten.
4. Kirsten Bell should have sung. KRISTEN BELL SHOULD HAVE SUNG.
5. Cam Gigandet is seriously good looking. But a man that dresses like he does, and wears eyeliner as well as he does is not a heterosexual male lead. That man is Adam Lambert's more attractive double.
Basically, my major critique of the film comes down to one confusing point: Christina Aguilera has had a successful career for more than a decade - yet this film seemed to be a vehicle to showcase her voice, with special cameo by Cher. The cast was a mixed bag of seasoned stage performers, so why aren't there more ensemble numbers? Even Kristen Bell and Alan Cumming doing a duet would have given me a Cabaret-boner to last at least 72 hours. And then the ever-necessary battle of the divas - a Cher/XTina duet. The film should have finished with one. It would have been predictable, cheesy, and a perfect way to end a film that had embraced both those qualities with open, shimmery arms!
All in all, this movie is one glittery hot mess, and I loved it. I looked past the fact that the script seemed to have been written in forty minutes and Cher's frightening appearance and accepted the film for what it was supposed to be -incredibly camp fun.
No comments:
Post a Comment